A strong connection develops when there is good etiquette and natural compatibility.
I’m fortunate that I connect with the vast majority of the clients I meet. My friends always tell me that I look for the best in people and I’m a natural conciliator, both of which are true. I approach every new encounter with the assumption that we’ll have loads in common and within the first few minutes, I’ll have uncovered at least some of it. It doesn’t matter if you’re in your 50s and a hardcore conservative or a shy 25-year-old university student, once we get to talking I’ll be able to bridge that gap.
However, there are clients with whom I have a very special connection – and it mainly comes down to luck.
For those of you familiar with Myers-Brigg, I’m an INFJ personality which is found in just 2% of the population. Perhaps because there are so few of us in the world, I can recognize someone with the same or similar (INTJ) personality almost instantly. If my client is lucky enough to have the same personality as me, it’s usually a phenomenal session for reasons that are hard to describe.
(You might be desperately hoping now that you’re an INFJ. If you want to know your personality type, you can do a free test here).
I’m often asked how I manage to keep my feelings in check when I’m really vibing with a client.
I wish I had a good answer to this.
I’ve always been the type who naturally compartmentalizes, which is a huge asset in this business.
I remember when I was in university, I had a friend with benefits who I saw every week for five years. Despite being friends to this day, not once did I ever develop feelings for him. This meant we were able to enjoy many years of uncomplicated fun.
I find the same is true for clients. I can really enjoy your company and the sex – we can have an absolutely amazing connection – but my brain will always be able to keep that professional line.
Not everyone can compartmentalize in this way and that’s when things can get complicated.
Sometimes it’s the provider who develops feelings and pushes for something more. You’ll know this is happening if she starts to suggest you spend time together outside of work, unpaid.
Other times it’s a client who can no longer tell the difference between reality and fantasy. This has happened a few times for me over the years and taught me valuable lessons about managing expectations. Thankfully, it’s a rare occurrence now.
If you’re a client, it’s important that you be honest with yourself about your motives and how much you can handle.
I recently had a client cancel our date last minute after he found out I had a boyfriend (I’m in an open relationship). He told me it made him feel uncomfortable.
Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but it made me think that the client had unrealistic expectations of our time together.
If you’re looking for fun, connection and great conversation then it’s absolutely the right move to book some time with me. If you’re looking to for something deeper – I’m talking real girlfriend territory – this industry may not be for you.
Moral of the story? Enjoy yourself as much as you can but always keep your head (both of them).
Do Escorts Really Enjoy Sex Work or is it all BS?
Whenever I meet a client for the first time and we get to chatting, I love to ask about their experiences in the industry. What was their first time like? Any nightmare experiences? How have the rest of their encounters been? I’m not sure why, but I’m endlessly fascinated.
If the client is lucky, they’ll have had at least one experience where things have gone very right.
I’m talking about an encounter in which there’s physical chemistry, great conversation and true enjoyment on both sides. Where you’re both so into the moment that no one’s paying attention to the time.
When clients recount these experiences to me, it’s clear they’re meaningful. Just like a very transactional appointment can wound in its own way, an experience where you feel connected and appreciated by an escort can be hugely validating.
However, virtually every client who tells me about their best experience will end with “but who knows, maybe she was just a really good actress.”
It seems that as good as the experience is, it can be hard to trust it completely.
I think it’s healthy to remember that, at the end of the day, escorts are there to provide a service. Retaining a little skepticism helps you keep things in perspective and makes it less likely that you’ll fall for manipulation or develop feelings (which is when things really get messy).
It’s also true that escorts at times need to disguise how they’re truly feeling in order to remain professional. This isn’t a bad thing; in fact, I’d argue that it’s a hallmark of a great provider.
Much like lawyers have to sometimes defend clients they suspect are guilty, I can set aside my feelings about a client and still provide a really good service. Thankfully, I only need to resort to professional and polite Zoe about 5% of the time.
Most clients will wonder whether an escort is just being professional or truly enjoying their company.
To tell the difference, ask yourself these questions.
If you’ve answered yes to all these questions, congratulations – you have found something really special.
Without a doubt you’ll be one of your provider’s favorite clients and someone she really looks forward to seeing.
If you’ve answered yes to some of the above, rest assured there is still connection and appreciation albeit less strong. But if it’s a no to all…it might be time to find someone new.
A strong connection develops when there is good etiquette and natural compatibility.
I’m fortunate that I connect with the vast majority of the clients I meet. My friends always tell me that I look for the best in people and I’m a natural conciliator, both of which are true. I approach every new encounter with the assumption that we’ll have loads in common and within the first few minutes, I’ll have uncovered at least some of it. It doesn’t matter if you’re in your 50s and a hardcore conservative or a shy 25-year-old university student, once we get to talking I’ll be able to bridge that gap.
However, there are clients with whom I have a very special connection – and it mainly comes down to luck.
For those of you familiar with Myers-Brigg, I’m an INFJ personality which is found in just 2% of the population. Perhaps because there are so few of us in the world, I can recognize someone with the same or similar (INTJ) personality almost instantly. If my client is lucky enough to have the same personality as me, it’s usually a phenomenal session for reasons that are hard to describe.
(You might be desperately hoping now that you’re an INFJ. If you want to know your personality type, you can do a free test here).
I’m often asked how I manage to keep my feelings in check when I’m really vibing with a client.
I wish I had a good answer to this.
I’ve always been the type who naturally compartmentalizes, which is a huge asset in this business.
I remember when I was in university, I had a friend with benefits who I saw every week for five years. Despite being friends to this day, not once did I ever develop feelings for him. This meant we were able to enjoy many years of uncomplicated fun.
I find the same is true for clients. I can really enjoy your company and the sex – we can have an absolutely amazing connection – but my brain will always be able to keep that professional line.
Not everyone can compartmentalize in this way and that’s when things can get complicated.
Sometimes it’s the provider who develops feelings and pushes for something more. You’ll know this is happening if she starts to suggest you spend time together outside of work, unpaid.
Other times it’s a client who can no longer tell the difference between reality and fantasy. This has happened a few times for me over the years and taught me valuable lessons about managing expectations. Thankfully, it’s a rare occurrence now.
If you’re a client, it’s important that you be honest with yourself about your motives and how much you can handle.
I recently had a client cancel our date last minute after he found out I had a boyfriend (I’m in an open relationship). He told me it made him feel uncomfortable.
Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but it made me think that the client had unrealistic expectations of our time together.
If you’re looking for fun, connection and great conversation then it’s absolutely the right move to book some time with me. If you’re looking to for something deeper – I’m talking real girlfriend territory – this industry may not be for you.
Moral of the story? Enjoy yourself as much as you can but always keep your head (both of them).
Explore More
The Not-So-Secret Life of an Escort
The Hidden Cost of Decency: Charging for Provider References