So, where did this sex coaching idea come from anyway??
I’ve always loved being a GFE provider; it’s what comes most naturally to me and where I feel I really shine. I love it so much in fact that it never crossed my mind that I would ever change or expand my offer – that is until earlier this year.
The idea to start sex coaching was a total fluke.
It came to me after a string of bad appointments with younger clients, which left me feeling really frustrated and concerned about the impact that hardcore porn is having on young people, especially those new to sex.
These experiences, while not dangerous, were unpleasant and fairly new to me:
- Choking and slapping without asking
- Aggressive commands during sex (“go over there and bend over”, “get on your knees and look at me”)
- Physically uncomfortable requests
- Ignoring boundaries or being disrespectful when I state my boundaries
- Being unable to climax except during masturbation – in the words of reddit, “death grip”.
When I started escorting back in 2014, I would come across the occasional bad client but it was always understood that he was an outlier. Since re-entering the business earlier this year I have noticed, disturbingly, that the occasional bad client has morphed into an entire group of bad clients whose behavior is so predictable, pervasive and off-putting that many providers prefer to ban them outright. This group, sadly, is the under 35s.
It seems in the six years I’ve been out of the business a lot has changed. As mainstream porn gets more hardcore, we as a society seem to be forgetting that porn is intended to be fantasy, not real life. In speaking to other providers, I’ve realized that my experience is by no means unique. Almost everyone I spoke to said they had noticed the same trend and were worried about it. Their advice to me (and the obvious answer) was to blanket ban all under-35s, but this didn’t sit right with me.
I’ve always been the type of person who, when confronted with a problem, likes to fix it. I could tell these clients were largely decent, albeit misguided people who genuinely didn’t seem to understand where they were going wrong – and how would they if no one told them? More importantly, how were they ever going to find a partner if they didn’t improve? If I was struggling to cope with them as a seasoned professional, I could only imagine what kind of reaction they would get from a more typical woman.
With this on my mind, I asked my best friends over coffee one day whether they ever give men feedback in bed. Most were adamant that they would not, partly because they felt a man should have the self-awareness to know what not to do in bed and also because they find it intimidating to share feedback in the moment (I admit even I struggle with this. So much so that I used to wait until after a session to share critical feedback – and even then, it was by email).
It seems we might be stuck in a vicious cycle: men are regurgitating what they see in porn, leading to degrading and unpleasant experiences for women who in turn don’t feel they can speak up and ask for what they need. Instead, the woman ghosts and the guy is left wondering where he went wrong. My hope with sex coaching is to break this cycle. I want to create a space where men can get the feedback they need to be the partner women deserve.
When I first added coaching to my website, I kept my expectations low. I figured maybe a handful of clients would take me up on coaching, if any at all. I’ve been amazed at how wrong I was about that. There has been huge demand for coaching appointments, so much so that coaching now makes up 50% of all new bookings.
It’s really encouraging to see that men actually do want to be better and I love being the one to help them get there.
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